Empower bullying victims in EU schools Let’s stop bullying Together Erasmus+ 2018 - 2020 19/05/2019
CONTENT Introduction Bullying cases How can the state alleviate the problem? How can schools alleviate the problem? Interviews from principals Interviews from professors Interviews from parents
Introduction By the participation to the Erasmus+ program ARISTOTELEIO COLLEGE was concerned with the problem of in-school violence. This topic affects many students and teachers worldwide because there are lots of bullying outbreaks identified in the school communities. The term of bullying comes from the verb «bully» that means that someone hurts, terrifies, or make someone do what he wants with the use of violence. That violence can be either physical (pushing, beating), either psychological (swearing, blackmail). Specifically, bullying can take the forms of: Word attacks, threats, insults Exclusion from companies, games act activities Blackmail, destroy of personal belongings Gestures Cyber bullying (social media, chat rooms, email etc) Bullying In-school violence is the action that happens regularly from one person (bully) to another (victim). In ARISTOTELEIO COLLEGE we wanted to examine this topic by doing some research. Ιn particular students acted like researchers and took some interviews from their classmates, teachers and parents. The parents were asked how they would help their child if he/she were being bullied. The teachers said their opinion about the solutions that the school or the government could give for that problem. Lastly children were asked if they were bullying victims or were witnesses in a occurrence like that.
BULLYING CASES 1. Until my fifth year in elementary school I had a best friend and that year we became a group of five girls. One day the new group members asked me to leave so they can talk about something secretly. Later one of them came to me and tried to distract me so the others could ran away and hide from me for the whole break. When they understood that I knew where they were, they ran away to a different spot. Later then they gave me a letter that said that I was sticking up to them too much and that was annoying so they asked me to leave the group (though some asked me to come back). 2. First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth grade of elementary school I were overweight and in the fourth grade I wore glasses. There were some kids, especially girls, that they were calling me nicknames, pushing me and took my things and were throwing them away. I didn’t talk neither to my parents nor my friends. Sometimes I would run to the WC room while I was crying and I would just tell my friends that I was in pain. I stayed there alone and I didn’t want to talk to anyone. That continued for a long time. I felt bad for myself, I didn’t like myself, I didn’t want myself. 3. When I was in the 3rd grade, I was wearing braces and my colleges were making fun of me 4. I was in the 1st year of junior high school when I first got bullied. The previous summer I had an accident in which a friend of mine hit me with a rock right in my face! I was lucky enough because it was not anything crucial, although Ι did need stitches. That summer was rather difficult for me and I was living in full awkwardness. I was wearing every day, allday a head scurf in order to alleviate the scar and to not let it leave an ugly mark. After my vacation, when I returned to the place where I live, I went out because I missed my friends. The village was full of children and after some time passed, I got used to the idea of wearing the head scurf and felt much more confident about myself! Until I bumped into some teenagers – they were in senior high school then – who started shouting at me and were making fun of me because they noticed the scar probably because it was still pink coloured and «fresh». They were telling me that I looked like Harry Potter. I really just wanted to disappear somehow at that moment, I felt so ashamed. Without having
the guts to face them and argue with them, I ran back home, left my friends and did not enjoy the day out I was so much waiting for the whole summer. 5. I was at the second grade of high school and a kid was making fun of my height. At first I could not get out at breaks because I was afraid that the bully will mock me again and that the whole school would laugh at me. In this situation I decided to talk with my parents because I had to. After this conversation my parents called the school’s principal and said ‘’A kid is bullying our child and please if you can, do something immediately’’. At Monday when I attended school the kid that bullied me was acting like a normal friend and we became best friends. 6. When I was at fifth grade of Elementary I went to a new school in Thessaloniki. Day after day I was trying to make new friends but the children were making fun of me because I was wearing glasses and braces, calling me a nerd.
How can the state alleviate the problem? 1. The state need to apply new laws and regulations in schools. When kids are caught bullying others they will have consequences. Only if the kid admits earlier that he was bullying, the consequences will change. 2. Lectures in school about the topic for the matter to give advice for the way that students must react in these cases. Not only the victim but also the observers. 3. Laws that foresee sanctions to the family of the bully to cover psychological or physical damage that has caused to the victim. 4. Hours of teaching that can be used with purpose to discourage the kids to express their actions counting the causes that the school bullying has. 5. To decrease the number of the children that accept school bullying the state could organize in smaller ages speeches in which they would explain how we can encounter if this happens. 6. In bigger ages where the intimidation is more intense and can take undesirable dimensions in schools, there can be a psychologist in which kids can trust and feel more comfortable to talk about their problems. 7. When a kid refers the event of bullying to the head master, they could impose sanctions to the bullies. 8. Exploring the phenomenon of intimidation and violence at school in all dimensions, both quantitatively and qualitatively 9. Train teachers to identify and manage the problem 10. Encourage parents to actively participate and cooperate with school 11. Develop pupils' mental health promotion programs which are part of the curriculum of cross-curricular and curriculum-related programs 12. Staff the educational regions directly with children and adolescents (child psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers) who are involved in addressing psychosocial problems that arise in the day-to-day school environment 13. Adopt legislative and police measures to protect the whole, but which will always be within the framework of constitutional principles and will not be circumvented 14. Develop new social virtues (equality, equality) and build good interpersonal relationships
15. Create a collection of parents and guardians for additional support in outbreaks 16. Support lines either by phone or via the internet 17. Organization of activities for children so that the bullies and the victims (eg through sports, arts etc.) can escape and also have the opportunity to work together and perhaps to eliminate bullying by themselves
How can schools alleviate the problem? School as a miniature of society should: discuss with the students about their rights and the rules of behavior provide students with appropriate ways of expressing boost friendship between students and feature the solidarity of friends as the appropriate way of dealing with violence incidents at school sensitize the parents about the problem address the causes of students’ isolation and marginalization show special interest in the inclusion of new pupils in the school group Headmaster Document the incident considering the time and the place , the people that took place in this act, the observers, the type of bullying by describing exactly what happened Keep a record of incidents so that they can easily have access to it and other interested parties Define whether it is a behavior that violates the rules against bullying and whether the bully has recursively done this. In the case that it is indeed not the first time , contact the child’s parents by phone and arrange a meeting in order to discuss the incident Determine the consequences for the bully after a discussion with the parents , the bully, the bully allies and the School Board Plan a way to keep track of the problem so to have the supervision of the development of the situation Teachers Talk to the victim and listen attentively and cautiously the child Make sure that you will responsive immediately and that you are available. Ensure that you will be informed regarding the development of the incident Discuss with the parents, express your concern and make them understand that you are willing to help
Verify whether there is or not a group of children that supports the bully Address to the headmaster and arrange a meeting with him/her and the victim Support the victim with the aid of the director Classmates Discuss about the children that participated as observers, or bully allies Talk with them about the ideal behavior for this case and about the responsibilities of the observer of such a incident Discuss about what they should have done to avoid the intimidation and ensure a safe environment for their own self and their classmates
Interviews from principals Christos Kyzakis: The best and most common way to confront the problem before it even happens is the existence of a constant control, stricter regulations and penalties and cameras to watch the students. However, this isn’t the requested in an anthropocentric school like ours. The way we follow is the prevention. Specifically, there has to be information, cultivating culture and personality through the courses, communication between teachers and students. The most important of all these is the formation of the feeling of collectivity and participation in a place. Something like this will help preventing and eliminate such incidents. As known the best way to help children with aggressive behavior are making them part of a team (theatrical). In this way the child will understand better how the victims feel via acting and his perception about bullying will change. The only way the child will achieve to face such problems is to feel that he can find a shelter. The most important thing in these cases is the psychological support. Teachers should “open their office doors”, after they open their hearts. Usually the frightening thing in this story is that the child feels that he doesn’t have anyone to talk about his problems. He doesn’t know who his friend and enemy is and so he doesn’t know with whom to share his problem. This is why the teacher should have his office open like an angel’s wing in which the child can find protection. Many times there is too much emotionality and too little emotion. The child has to feel the emotion and not the words about the emotion.
Dimos Maggiras: 1) How could the school itself prevent bullying? School is a form of society. It is the obstacle for social issues. So, what is requested is the assurance of a democratic and collaborative school that promotes transformation. The means to achieve that goal is the implementation of education legislation in terms of a humanitarian function of school under the responsibility of the management, the teachers and the association of parents and guardians. The address of school can prevent bullying by the compliance with internal rules, careful and regular supervision of the school space, teacher’s education on issues of teaching approaches and behaviors, encouragement of cooperative actions, workshops and meetings with experts, constant communication with parents and reformation in cases of misbehavior. Most importantly bullying can be prevented by responsible and pedagogical teacher’s attitude inside and outside of the classroom in order to preserve the value of school. 2) How could you as the head master help or strengthen a student that suffered from bullying? As the head master I would help a victim with: Emotional support, so the child will feel helped by the responsible carriers Discretion in handling the case Consulting the school’s therapist Conversation with parents and guardians
Dimitris Grozoudis: We have specialized teachers, who help children and communicate with them. If there is a bullying incident we talk to parents and kids and we provide help from our psychologist, mrs.Milousi, in whom they go students in order to help them adapt in the school environment and solve any of their problems. The school has to interfere whether we want it or not. When a bullying incident happens we try to hear both sides to know more about what happened. In our school it is of paramount importance that teachers communicate with the students and stand by them in every bad situation. Anna Zourna: «The school’s management is able to deter the problem of bullying by calling meetings, by having educators and psychologists inform the students about this issue, by being next to the students, by addressing students who tend to show a violent behaviour individually, with sanctions, with frequent conversations with the parents and last but not least with sending-offs to the students who do not behave themselves.» «The school’s management can obviously enhance a student’s selfesteem with the help from a psychologist, surely solve the problem in order it does not occur again and in general be next to the students and be by their sides!»
Interviews from professors Leonidas Mourgkos: I think that in the beginning, owing to the fact that it always begins from the class, I would suggest discussing about the topic in total without any student to be in the center of the circle. To make a dialogue about bullying and via debate and discussion to conclude. Subsequently I would advise the parents to talk with their child who knows that he has been bullied so they can get contact with the parents and discuss with them either by phone or have a meeting with their parents and demand that there will be a continuous channel of communication where they can solve the problem or in any case to get informed from both sides because the coordinated effort seemσ to be able to provide the solution. Afterward, I would suggest to mobilize not only the classroom that the child is in or the kids that has been bullied but to make use of all students community, either through the 15-member or perhaps through the bureau of each class so as to take place in activities or events which will have as topic bullying and school violence. I would say that it could become a coordinated try from all teachers a call of operators and speeches so that they can be disclosed the consequences of school violence. A lot of times children resort to violence without knowing the consequences to the victim and through these speeches, operators and briefing can have a constructive dialogue. Also in any direction either to kids that has been targeted either from the children who are bullies could have some video viewing, there are a lot of reliable videos, one very careful option and as well to ask an opinion of a professor that are responsible, possible from the same for one correct choice video and subsequently rejoice these with a conversation. Lastly I would suggest to have a visit in some structures, in organizations, in units for example to the police but generally to kids that have been abused in some units or in a hospice in order that the kids that bullied to see the consequences personalized, alive, existing and not only in theory. I believe that one series of such measures could put some things in order and try coordinated and in order to solve some problems.
Maria Damali: I can say that I’m not an expert on such issues. I would definitely listen carefully to the student. Initially I would tell him to address the psychologist that we have in our school. Secondly I would encourage him to report the incidence to the school principal if he wanted to. Afterwards I think that with the psychologist we would see if it should expand and inform his parents. In my opinion the psychologist would help the student as much an possible. Now, beyond listening carefully to the student and try to help him as much as I can, I would send him to an expert, which is the psychologist. Nana Diamanti: First of all we have to inform you about the different aspects of intimidation, such as cyber bullying. In all the aspects we can follow two different roads. The first one is to create an environment in which the kid will feel safe. Firstly we have to refer to the difficulty that it is included in persuading a person to talk about what bothers them because most times this person counts themselves responsible for everything that happened. This behavior may occur because of the person’s low self –esteem. So we have to begin by empowering the person’s confidence. It is good that the child does not object , and does not try to solve the problem of its own because it needs guidance. What is more, both parents and teachers have to detect the symptoms when student is being bullied. This may happen with its denial to attend school or it might be more anxious than usual or even by harming itself. When they recognize the indicators they have to talk to the kid and make it feel safe again so that it makes reference of the problem. Furthermore we have to also approach the bullies and make them understand that bullying is an indicator of the way a child is raised and its rituals. It has to be understood by the bullies that this is not the proper way to encounter someone that is weak but by helping them. We want in away to change its rituals and beliefs with advices and consulting the parents because the way kids behave its because of what they see their family do.
Elena Panopoulou: Good morning! to begin with ,there should be constructed a trustworthy relationship between the teacher and the students in order to know every detail of the incident. We should know what kind of bullying has been exercised so we can assess it properly. For example, is it verbal? Physical? Moreover we should find out the people who are involved in the incident, whether they come from the school environment or even outside of it. Another issue that we have to assess is the dynamic relationship that has been performed between the bully and the victim. Becoming the bully who causes problems or gets into fights means that there are many problems that need to be addressed. Most of the times the bullies come from a disturbing family environment that need to exercise their power on someone who is less powerful and can feel mighty. At the same time a child who is bullied and does not confide the situation to anyone and just accepts it can also lead to disturbing conclusions for his home environment. Sometimes the kids who are victimized have low self esteem and no confidence to defend themselves. A bully usually picks on someone who resembles to his own self a psychological term we call mirroring! We tend to pick on somebody who we think is annoying because he or she carries similar traits we have and we are taught that they are not acceptable. When we recognize similar traits to another person we tend to find these characteristics annoying. The best way to approach any incident like that is to mediate. Mediation is a great way to communicate both parties and consult them while assessing the situation from different points of view. Furthermore, the mediator can address the situation by communicating the feelings of both parties, victim, bully and families. Moreover by consulting everyone involved the school environment would be made safer and healthier environment for the students to communicate any kind of problem. Usually when we use mediation all parties understand their acts and can reach to a mutual understanding. Teachers and advisors should always be in touch with their students and should be able to consult or even intervene when need be. Sometimes many serious incidents can
be handles when adults prevent situation by monitoring groups of students who are prone to cause problems or even protect situations that children might be bullied. I hope I was able to inform you and assist you in every way I can!
Interviews from parents Ariadni Porfyridou: - Good morning mother, I am here today to take you an interview for the e-twinning project. My pleasure. - Let’s start. How many kids do you have? I have two children, a 15 years old girl and 10 years old boy. - How would you feel if one of your kids are being bullied? The truth is that my first reaction would be sadness, because every parent suffers with the pain of his child. Secondly, I would try to leave my emotional state to find the causes and solutions to this problem and take drastic measures to deal with it. -What would you do solve the problem (bullying)? To begin with, I would try to communicate with my child and understand the expand of the situation. You see some times kids take innocent jokes as intimidation. So, I have to know if it was a real intimidation. Secondly, I would like to speak with principal to research further the situation, talking with the teachers and the students. Finally, with the help of the teacher I will try to solve the problem. Also, I would like to communicate with psychologist in order to find a way to heal him psychologically. -How would you empower your child? Everything starts from relationship between a parent and a child. I would discuss with him and make him understand that the uniqueness of each person is what makes him special. Also, I would try to strengthen his self-confidence as much as I could. The morale his family taught him will help him in his life and he should not be afraid to express it, because only then he will become better and better as a person. I would also like to advise him to give up various groups that could create this kid of intimidation and make new friends. I would like to improve his team spirit by joining a team sport or a club so to make him understand that the purpose of life is to belong to a society and that he will deal with this kind of intimidation many times. But he must learn to cope with it by stop being the victim. Finally, I would encourage him to always
speak openly with his family and his teachers because in every situation we would stand by him. -Thank you very much for your patience. Charalampos Kyriakou: How do you think a parent should react when he learns that his child is a victim of bullying? The parent should tell the problem to the child‘s teachers so that they could be aware of the problem if they aren’t already and try both, teachers and parents, to help the child psychologically and physically so the child would stop dealing with bullying. How would you react if you learned that your kid is a bullying victim?
Firstly I would talk with my kid, learned who and why they are bullying him, empowering his confidence. Additionally I would talk with the people incharge in school so that in their duties the bullying would stop. If you didn’t know how to deal with a situation like this (your child dealing bullying) to whom you would go to help you? I would look for the advice and guidance of a child psychologist, as an expert in these topics If your kid was a bullying victim and didn’t told you, but you had it figured it out from the change in the its behavior, would you talk to your kid about it or wait for it to talk to you and why? I would talk to my kid and made it clear that it is very important to show its feelings and also I would try to get some information from the school and its teachers. How would you react if you knew that your kid intimidated other students? I would emphasize that this behavior is unacceptable, and I would try to reverse the feeling by asking him how he would feel if he accepted the same behavior from someone else. In every situation I would highlight that the goal is to to earn the respect from others with positive actions and not by bullying.
Chrysanthi Arapoglou How can the school accommodation prevent the phenomenon of school bullying? There is a need for a constant briefing; it is also required to deliver consultant lectures to the students and encouragement to a positive and right attitude. Also by making frequent meetings to inform the parents for their children progress and their attitudes inside the school so if there is a problem all of them together could find a solution for it. Sometimes the school doesn’t know about the personal life of a student. But if the school is informed then it can prevent these kind of situations. How could you help as teacher one student that is a victim of school bullying? I would first start a conversation with the victim and I could try to see the story from their side and assess the general attitude of the children who are involved in the situation. Then I could advise the kid to avoid this and talk to his\her family and I could try to arrange a meeting so all together can solve the problem. Maria Zotou: The first and most important thing is to learn in detail what has being said, the reason why it has being said and whether it is the first time or not. There are plenty reasons why someone would be a bully… The next step is to address to the headmaster of the school in order to let him/her know, or if he/she is already informed , to help the child with the solution As for the support, we as your parents will certainly stand by you and if it is needed we can address to specialists We will also try to arrange a meeting with the parents of the child and it is considered necessary to instantly from your teachers Do not forget that you should not come to a conflict with the bully but we , the parents, the teachers, the classmates , will do our best to aid you.
Charis Drampa: Mother what would you do to support and help me, psychologically, in case I would be bullied “To begin with, the first thing I would ask you is to open your heart and describe exactly what happened .” That was the first answer from my mom. She also mentioned: “It is also necessary to have established a right relationship between the kid and the parent in order to achieve that. This way, we will be able to talk stress-free” “ It is considered important to ensure the kid that talks to his/her parent will be able to communicate naturally with no hesitation .” “I would ask you the reason why. Why did this specific person act like that? Is it possible that he had been bullied himself? It is true though, that despite his own problems this type of behavior is completely wrong” Considering the solution.. “Have you tried to come closer to the person and have a conversation? It would be really useful for both of you to do that. Secondly, do not hesitate to inform your teachers and they will certainly help. Your father and I will also be by your side all the way.” “We can do it together!”
Elena Boutsouki: Father what would you do to support me/ help me / enhance me physiologically, if I was a victim of bullying? Firstly, I would make you feel safe to speak for the pressure that you deal with and I would try to teach ways to come up against the bulling. This could be done with enhance your self-esteem. Secondly, I would make you understand that is not your fault that someone is bullying you. Finally, in this way you will understand that someone’s behaviour describes the person that does the ‘harm’ and not the victim. Oikonomou Dimitris: The first thing that I would ask my kid would be ”who bullied you?” and the next question would be “what did he told you and what type of bullying did he exercised on you?”. After that I would go to the school and ask the professors if they were present in this or if they had heard anything about it so I could make my own conclusion. Last but not least I would stay home and advice my kid how to handle this kind of situations and then I would go to the school and tell them warn him and give him some advice on how to behave.
Melina Giovanoudi: If you were bullied, we would talk and consult a therapist to help you. Eliza Thomaidou: If my child was bullied and I found out: I would talk to my child and try to understand what this is about I would support him by consulting a therapist, so he gets psychologically empowered and boosts his self-confidence I would help him to face the bully I would call the school principal I would talk with my child’s teacher I would talk with other parents I would talk with the bully’s parents if I knew who they were I would send my child to a different school if things were too bad and affected his personal life and psyche
Lefkothea Salma: Father, what would you do to support me if I was a victim of bullying? Listen sweetheart, you exude so much dignity and self-esteem that no one can or should interfere with that and hurt you neither physically nor mentally. Whatever occurs, you should not keep it a secret. Sharing a problem is not ‘snitching’ against the offender but a part of the problem solving. Stay calm, try not to show anger or fear in front of the bullies. Ignore those who terrify you, make new friends, choose the people who you can communicate better with. Try to avoid school places where bullies might find you alone. And remember always that we are here, by your side, your mother and I care about you and I think we have already proven that we are willing to do whatever it takes in order to protect you.
Stella Mavridou: Mother what would you do to help me psychological if I was bullied at school? I would tell you that you act in the right way when you came and told me and now you will inform your teachers of your class, because you should not be afraid and carry such a weight. Afterwards I would like to know what kind of bullying they exercised on you, if it is physical or verbal and after I would communicate with the school and I would like inform the kid’s parent and talk with them and the kid also, so I can ask this personally why he did it and to make him understand that what he/she does is not right. But the most interesting of all would be to make you understand that you must not be afraid of any one and anything , when someone threatens, anywhere to express your feeling and don’t hold it inside you, don’t accept it and stand it and from the time that this happens there will always have people around you , either your family, either the school and your professors , either your friends, either the same community that will and want to help you to fight and stop this suffer, because if you continue to hold it inside you then the case will be worst. This means I would try to enhance your self-confidence and self-respect and like I told you before I would make you understand that you must and there is no reason to be afraid of no one and nothing.
Katerina Kasapidou: Mom, what would you do to support/help/empower me psychologically if I had been bullied in school? “At first I would try to calm you and I would congratulate you for sharing your problem with me, because that way we could take the best possible decision so you could feel better. If you felt better by only talking about it and keeping a certain behavior avoiding the students that bullied you in school, would be a solution for us to see how that would work in the near future. An other step would be, if you also wanted and felt comfortable, to talk about it to the school so the people that are incharge could take some measures. Always in touch and sharing your problem with me I would calm you. Also, you would tell me if you wanted to talk with a psychologist.” Vasilis Manolakis: I would talk with the child in order to fully understand the situation, act aptly and help my child deal with the problem I would encourage my child to report the problem’s continuity to me or to other people that he trusts in order improve the situation I would advise him not to pay much attention to the person who is intimidating, as by ignoring him, he will probably reduce his behavior towards him
Steriani Vasiliadou: I would discuss with the child to learn all the details. After realizing that my child had been bullied, I would talk with the school principal to report all the things the child has told me, take the necessary measures and deal with the problem in order to protect the child. I will talk daily with my child in order to learn everything that happens I would try to explain to my child that he shouldn’t be afraid when he is surrounded by people that are able to help him, that he should be self-confident, believe to itself and to stand on his feet I would emphasize in his skills and talents and I would encourage him to join a club, either at school or out of it, in order to meet new people with common interests and amuse itself I would talk to the bully’s parents If needed I would go to the police I would explain to my child that the bully was facing a similar problem and he was trying to cover it this way Valentini Valsamopoulou: That will be your reaction if your child was a victim of school bullying? My mother said: School bullying is a dissatisfied phenomenon. Personally the responsibility isn’t on the child that bully but the family environment. To be cured it needs help from psychological expert. Its hard to say but that attitude is manifested cause of deeper problems, prejudice and stereotypes. If my own child was a victim of bullying, I would advice it to declared it and indicate the perpetrator. From the cooperation of the parents, teachers and children there would be a positive outcome for the good of everyone.
Christina / Anglenia Allen:
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