Preparing to cope with the empty nest phase As grown children start leaving home to build their own families, there is a most natural sense of vacuum that develops in the home. A deeper sense of loneliness, emptiness or distance can create fears, and insecurities can develop. This will be especially true for mothers who have devoted all of their time in raising kids and being the homemaker, while others may not be hit as hard. One good approach for this empty nest phase is to prepare oneself well ahead of this anticipated time by planning to occupy one’s time with things that could not be done before, due the lack of time or focus earlier. Finding a part-time job to revive old skills, volunteering or starting a new hobby are all great ideas. Ideally, this preparation could start as children become more independent during their teenage years, more so in their college years. My wife sacrificed her career prospects for over 5 years, while we transitioned into life in the U.S., so that she was very close to the children during those years of change and adaptation to local culture, customs and people. She took up a part-time job teaching in a college shortly before our son was ready to graduate from college, and our daughter close to finishing high school. Advice to parents of young adults I think it would be reasonable to say that our experiences could have been somewhat different, given circumstances and events. While some principles in parenting can be applied across different contexts, socio-cultural and economic, it would be unfair to others to think that these insights could be generalized to be of application to all and sundry. Based on what worked for us, our advice would be: • Keep communication lines open: differences can be discussed and even celebrated, not causing distance. • Have clear expectations, holding firmly, dealing gently. • Be aware of generational changes – tastes, communication methods etc. • Be available to them. Involved as needed. • Consider them as adults, with differing personalities. Leave room for self-expression and growth. • Offer opinions or advice as needed and not imposed. • Pray and model your behavior through your relationship with your own parents. Dr. Leslie Mathew is a medical doctor based in the USA and has served in different roles at academic health centers for over 30 years working across different cultures in India, the Middle East & the USA. UPAHAAR 2021 উপহার ১৪২৮ 39
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