Courageous TR UTHS DEJA’S SUPPORT EXPANDS ***WARNING: DETAILS OF ABUSE IN THIS ARTICLE. MAY BE TRIGGERING. PLEASE USE SELF-CARE.*** W elcome back to the Courageous Truths series and Deja’s progress, Beloved! It’s been some time now since Deja1 called and got all those resources from that lady named Courageous. Her and her beautiful children have started pulling away from Denzel’s2 influences because Deja researched. She started comparing what she learned to the actions of Denzel’s acquaintances and family members and saw oppressive, exploitative, and/or manipulated/influenced by/sympathetic to Denzel - flying monkeys.3 As Deja intentionally created more distance from Denzel and his crew, she noticed more than just the silence. She also noticed her and her children had NO support at all. At first, Deja found it baffling, then hurtful, then angering, then frustrating, then numbing. Yes, she is making all the right moves - avoiding hoovering4, avoiding flying monkeys, educating herself, educating her children, and utilizing resources. However, Deja didn’t have a village anymore - her old village consisted of unhealthy people. Deja suddenly wondered to herself, “if so many things he did were intentionally hurtful, is there some part of this that is the same?” She got back online and found this: “Isolation is key if your abuser is going to be successful in their attempts to control you”.5 She couldn’t believe it! Wait…of course she could. It made so much sense - her confusion about Denzel telling her not to trust her sister’s intentions as pure. His puzzling belief that she suddenly shouldn’t talk to her mom’s coworkers because they were interested in her. All of it made sense now. Wow, she was going to have to brave Step #4: Broaden Her Support. But how?? Deja didn’t have a village anymore because she and her children only accessed what Denzel gave them permission to access. And he found a reason for them not to access anything he couldn’t control. Deja’s mind had become so weary of doing everything, thinking of everything, managing everything - she’d have to find something to help her envision this. Ahh, here it was - her good, old friend, National Domestic Violence Hotline! It had an article giving tips on how to rebuild and maintain support after isolation. Deja took her time and went through each tip and asked me to share them with you: “Reconnect with yourself and your past.”6 That’s right, doggone it! Deja had a past BEFORE Denzel. She went back to her social media posts before she met him and spent some really refreshing time on memory lane. Oh MAN, 9
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