Funeral Service No one is entirely sure why this happens. The author writes: “Flowers have immediate and long-term effects on emotional reactions, mood, social behaviors and even memory for both males and females. There is little existing theory in any discipline that explains these findings. We suggest that cultivated flowers are rewarding because they have evolved to rapidly induce positive emotion in humans, just as other plants have evolved to induce varying behavioral responses in a wide variety of species leading to the dispersal or propagation of the plants.” When you think about the grief cycle and the many ways it can revert into debilitating depression and loneliness, you begin to see that throughout human history, flowers may have played an important role in how we live, love and face losing those we love. Flowers make us smile (which helps with grief) In that same study out of Rutgers, the researchers discovered something else: that when gifted as a surprise, an enormous number of recipients (100% of individuals identifying as women) gave the Duchenne smile. Researchers know this smile as the most authentic smile, the smile of pure joy. We know it as the smile given by babies to their moms. Why is this important? Floracracy surveyed Americans’ beliefs and preferences about flowers and letters at times of grief. We found that what they want to hear most, in almost every age category, is funny stories about those who had passed. People want to laugh. This cognitive dissonance of laughter at a time of grief is beneficial for healing, even when shared through writing, such as a personal letter. Indeed, in research conducted by trauma expert George Bonanno, “those who exhibited genuine smiles and laughs while grieving, displayed less grief over time and evoked positive emotions in others.” The impact of funny, positive stories can change how some experience grief. Further, positive psychology researcher Sarah Francois-Poncet explains in her capstone research project "When Words Matter Most," that “sharing positive words at times of pain triggers the positive behavior as seen in positive psychology: action over inaction, meaning over despair, resilience over hopelessness.” Based on this research, gifts that combine writing with flowers might just well be one of the most powerful things you can do for someone at a time of grief. Rethinking the role of flowers For some, flowers at funerals may be a bit of a “thing you do” and not something people genuinely want. But does it have to be? And more importantly, when considering the above, should it be? Perhaps there is a way within this tradition to better help serve families in their journey through grief. Wrap up a few flowers to take home Most floral arrangements are not designed to live outside a funeral home. They face forward or are set on wires. They are large. Most are not intended to last more than a few hours. Unfortunately, those hours are not a time when the grieving family can sit with them and feel their benefits. Consider adding a service where you wrap up a few of the stems in tissue paper with a letter from your team and give it to the family at the end of the service. Better yet, when you can, deliver it a day or two later to the home. This does two things. First, the gesture will allow them to experience the healing impact of the flowers in their own space and time. Second, your actions will provide support at a time of difficult transition. It will set up the process for an after-care support program. 24 www.ogr.org | Winter 2022
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