Xavier had been to Freedom exactly what his name’s meaning implied - a saviour. When she met him, she had just lost her car, was close to losing her job, and eviction was looming. Although only knowing her a short while, Xavier said he felt moved to help her. He loaned her his car, which immediately straightened out her work situation, and paid to catch up her back rent. With the debt monkeys off her back she could see her way clear to get her life stabilized, and thanks to him, she did. As their friendship sped ahead, Freedom found herself feeling strangely safe with Xavier much more quickly than she could remember with anyone else before him. The next thing she knew, he was asking for her hand in marriage, and she gleefully accepted. Sometime after the engagement, a few things seemed to slow down with Xavier. Instead of him taking Freedom on dates, he began allowing her to pay. He told her to keep his car and just pick him up when he asked, and he didn’t seem to be taking nearly as many freelance construction jobs as before. Freedom thought this was odd, but Xavier was so attentive on the phone and in person, and of course, there was also all the help he gave her in the early days of their friendship. JoinOneLove.org article: What Emotional Abuse Really Means Freedom figured things would smooth out at some point, returning to the way she was accustomed to s seeing him handle his everyday life. Fast forward, and they were married. Although Freedom had fantasized about a beautiful, storybook wedding, Xavier said he didn’t see the reason to spend so much money on a one-day event. This was only the beginning of the compromises with which she would be expected to comply. Two children and three years later, Freedom bore no resemblance to her own name. Xavier had stopped working entirely, he never helped with child rearing unless to nullify one of her standards with them. He stopped sharing household duties also and made a “family project” whenever possible out of any work that was set aside as his contribution to the household. In the beginning stages of their friendship, he was so easy to talk to; it seemed like they never disagreed. Now, anytime Freedom attempted to discuss his new and uncooperative behavior with him, he had this pattern2 of telling her it wasn’t like she said it was, getting quickly worked up to the point that he insisted he needed sexual gratification to calm him down, accusing her of having a malicious motivation for starting the conversation, 1 Freedom* is a fictitious, composite character, as well as the o ther characters in this story. Freedom is used to demonstrate the factual material contained within this article. The characters’ attributes/demographics are taken from case studies, surveys, and DV abuse definitions. 2 17 and blocking the door if she tried to walk away from the conversation while yelling for her to choose whether she wanted him or the point she was making. Not only did Freedom find it difficult to locate any semblance of the man with whom she previously shared a friendship, she was questioning herself as well. Freedom used to be a woman who felt she had much to offer in relationships and in the professional realm. She realized she was now known for stalling out in decision-making and noticeably not present during conversations at work. She had lost her motivation to exercise regularly, and it was definitely showing; she had picked up 5-10 pounds like clockwork every year. She was normally an even-tempered woman much like Li-Li, but now she had become aware of feeling anxious in unfamiliar situations to the point that she would verbally and socially shut down. She would find herself fighting sadness that seemingly had no cause these days and caught herself daydreaming about self-harm during some of his more v vicious moments.
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