Sundaya2 could hear her mother’s lovely voice saying this to her while she closed her eyes and let the mothering reassurance wash over her. Usually when Sundaya imagined her mother telling her this on one of those countless occasions, it made her believe it again no matter what was happening. Not this time. Kenneth had been such a reliable friend - in the beginning. They met when Sundaya was much younger…God, 22 seemed like such a long time ago now that she was 27. Kenn, as she called him, wasn’t really into much of anything, but he was into her. He did all the right things: opened car doors, called her ‘Queen’, called her mother ‘Ma’am’, called her father ‘Sir’, listened without interrupting, seemed genuinely interested in her interests…you know, all the right things. Sundaya easily enjoyed his company, and he seemed to have no problem enjoying hers. Gradually, Sundaya noticed Kenn starting to become easily irritable at times with her, to the point that he would sometimes yell at her or even call her out of her name. It was strange to her but since by now it was her 27th birthday, certainly by now she knew who he really was. If she would just stand by him right now the way he had stood by her through her master’s degree credit hours and licensing exam, surely she could stand by him through losing his high school friend. She also noticed he seemed to be secretive at times but chalked it up to his possibly not knowing how to say he needed some time alone to deal with his emotions. Although she didn’t appreciate the changes she was seeing and Kenn wasn’t open to talking to her about these changes and their impact on her, she figured she’d wait until things calmed down to revisit the whole behavioral change. Only things got worse. Kenn started making things difficult on her job - showing up unannounced and uninvited - often. Insisting that she text him when she got there, if she left the office during the day, when she was leaving to go home, and when she got home if … he wasn’t there. Yes, by then, they were living together. A short time after Kenn’s friend’s passing, Kenn stopped working because he said he was too out of sorts to go to work. Soon after, Kenn was let go from his job. Again, Sundaya thought this was her time to help her beloved - they were a true item now as boyfriend and girlfriend - and make sure he got through this tough time by knowing someone whom he loved believed in him and was willing to stand by him. But after an entire year passed of Kenn not leaving their house, no longer looking for work, no longer helping around the apartment, no longer even bothering to keep himself up, seeming to find countless ways to spend the money she was desperately trying to save, and getting increasingly cruel in his demeanor with her, Sundaya began to wonder if she would ever see the return of the “real Kenn”. One day while pondering all of this, Sundaya saw one of her colleagues who was also in her social media network was going to a virtual lunch ‘n learn with this woman named Courageous. Sundaya looked through the invite and saw these words, “the thing you can’t put your finger on in your relationship might be abuse.” WOW. Could that be true? Sundaya was weary in every way at this point and couldn’t remember the last time she felt “strong and powerful”. Where was her “natural authority”? She certainly didn’t feel she radiated anything close to confidence. So she too signed up for the lunch ‘n learn. “After all,” she figured, “why not”? 19
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