Although Ebony*1 was 23, she had fallen hard for Trey who was only 21. Ebony surprised herself falling for someone younger; it was so unlike her. She had to be with someone who had a certain level of intelligence, humor, and spirituality...you know, maturity. Trey had the whole package, and she couldn’t overlook that even with his younger age. He loved working with animals, serving God at church through his musicianship, and her. His unbridled passion, quick wit, storehouse of knowledge, ability to make her laugh until her sides hurt, and his eagerness to please their Lord made her forget any of her other requirements. She realized they had already been married a year. Their courtship? Less than 6 months. Ebony felt herself rush back into the present, trembling with panic, her mind frantically searching for answers that would be Treyapproved. Now accustomed to his anger for innumerous types of “betrayal”, she wasn’t really sure which one she had committed this time. What she did know was that betrayals demanded penance, and tonight she was just so tired. 1 3 Even with feeling herself disconnect from the conversation and grow increasingly numb2 . she could still hear the sound of his voice, the snarl as he said her name, and the growl in his voice with every question. Finally, after everything in the car was silent, Ebony painstakingly began the problem-solving exercise of de-escalation tactics before they got home. She was hoping to reacquaint with her beloved dogs she’d raised since her teen years, Squeaker and Sidekick, but gauging from the coldness of tonight’s glare that wasn’t likely. So much had changed since their beginning. Trey had been so supportive of Ebony’s interests and career path, but now he had become so protective of her. Not in the way that makes a woman feel loved and secure, but in a way that had become suffocating. First, he just wanted to know when she got to work and would jokingly scold her if she forgot. It was endearing that he was concerned enough about her well-being to fuss over it, but gradually turned into: ● Controlling who she interacted with on social media ● Using her social media accounts to track what she was doing ● Telling her his method for creating passwords and insisting she use the same methods to create or update hers ● Constantly texting her, requiring nearly instantaneous responses to avoid extreme anger to the point of making her fear missing his call or text3 When Ebony saw Debbie again, she told her that Trey had seen the text message and was furious. Ebony blurted out that maybe Debbie could just apologize; maybe that would smooth things over enough for her to be welcome in their house again. Debbie’s earnest statement, “I’m not sure how that would look. He went through your phone behind your back. We were having a conversation as two adults about his cruelty to you. What would I be apologizing for?”, jarred Ebony. Ebony* is a fictitious, composite character, as well as the other characters in this story. Ebony is used to demonstrate the factual material contained within this article. The characters’ attributes/demographics are taken from case studies, surveys, and DV abuse definitions. 2 Dissociative states of PTSD (post-traumatic syndrome disorder) due to DV, article from PsychiatricTimes.com Types of Abuse - TheHotline.org, specific section: “Examples of digital behavior include” 19
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