“DON’T BORE US, GET TO THE CHORUS” SHORTENED COMMUNICATION FOR TODAY’S TLDR LIFESTYLE BY BRIAN POLK DO YOU EVER HAVE TO BOIL TEA WATER FIVE OR SIX TIMES BECAUSE YOU KEEP FORGETTING THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE TEA? This happens to me frequently. I put the kettle on, find something to do in the other room, and then come back to tepid water. It’s almost as if tea kettles should make some kind of high-pitched whistle to let you know that it’s ready. Who do I talk to about that? BANDS SURE SANG ABOUT LEGS A LOT MORE IN THE PAST THAN THEY DO NOW “Legs” by ZZ Top, “Hot Legs” by Rod Stewart, “Lord Of The Thighs” No. 141 by Aerosmith, and “Girl, Girls, Girls” by Mötley Crüe all mention legs as sexual objects. I feel like it was the style at the time, because these days none of my friends will ever say anything like, “My new girlfriend has amazing legs.” And even if someone in my friend group did say that, the rest of us would respond with something like, “What a weird thing to say.” I’M STARTING WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR; I’M ASKING HIM WHY HE DRANK SO MUCH VODKA LAST NIGHT He responded, “Because it was fun. You should know. You were there.” That’s when I said, “Oh yeah. We did have fun, didn’t we?” ART BY JASON WHITE
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