Then my partner started to get concerned because I was talking to myself in the bathroom again. DID YOU GET THE MICHAEL JACKSON REFERENCE IN THE LAST ENTRY? I should probably stop referencing songs that are 37 years old unless I’m with someone else who’s also getting close to qualifying for AARP benefits. SOMETIMES I’LL TELL MY COWORKER, “IT’S ON OCTOBER 26TH.” AND WITHOUT LOOKING AT A CALENDAR, SHE’LL SAY, “OKAY, THAT’S A SUNDAY.” How the fuck does she do that? I FELT PROFOUND REGRET WHEN I BIT INTO A PEACH THAT WASN’T RIPE YET Unrealized peach potential is the absolute worst thing about peach season. DO YOU EVER DAYDREAM AT YOUR JOB ABOUT HOW YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D BE STUCK IN A BORING 9-TO5 WHERE YOU NEVER GET USE YOUR CREATIVITY OR TALENT, BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD SO MUCH MORE POTENTIAL THAN THIS, BUT YOU NEVER FOUND ANY OTHER WAY TO MAKE MONEY, AND NOW IT’S TOO LATE TO SWITCH CAREERS, SO YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SAY OUT LOUD TO NO ONE, “MAYBE THIS WAS THE BEST I COULD DO?” Yeah, that sure does suck. YOU CAN’T MICROMANAGE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS It has been my experience that micromanagers do not actually like to be referred to by any of the following three designations: “micromanagers,” “ineptly cruel bosses,” or “insufferable disciplinarians who have no clue how to earn the respect of others and therefore have to resort to using fear and shame to garner grudging recognition for their position of authority, which no one can actually respect, and so they spend the entirety of their working careers frustrated that no one likes or appreciates them.” And of course, most of them are all three. WHEN RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD, THAT MEANS MY EYES WILL SOON BE TURNING RED I don’t care what that song says, I get upset when I get rained on! OKAY, I JUST REFERENCED A SONG THAT’S 55 YEARS OLD Maybe it’s time to cut my losses and try again next issue. ERIC JOYNER, THE LAST TRAIN TO CLARKSVILLE - ERICJOYNER.COM 9
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