BY BRIAN POLK ALL MY FRIENDS WHO ARE NEW PARENTS NEED THREE MONTHS' NOTICE BEFORE MAKING ANY PLANS And even then, it’s super touch and go. For example, if I wanted to make plans for them to attend my birthday in July, I would need to send out invitations now. And if the day falls on a previously scheduled kid thing — a trip to the zoo, hiking (i.e. carrying a baby through the woods for a few hours), or an all-day nap-a-thon — well then, I’m out of luck. Also, sometimes the parent may have cleared their schedule of kid-related activities, but when the time comes to throw down, they’re like, “Sorry, No. 98 but I am just too tired. Maybe some time next year.” All this is to say, I miss a lot of my friends. IT'S KIND OF WEIRD THAT MY UNCLE LIKES GOOD MUSIC My uncle Joseph watches Fox News all day, says things about immigrants that offend me to the bone, and probably has QAnon ties (I say “probably” because I’m terrified to bring it up). He also has three ex-wives who hate him, doesn’t tip on principle, never shovels his sidewalk when it snows, and has bad things to say about everyone who JASON WHITE
7 Publizr Home