I recently read an article that compared anxiety to a hamster wheel… lots of energy expended but gets you nowhere. Any cycle of thinking or behavior that exerts that same level of energy with no direction or purpose will eventually lead to an unhealthy outcome whether it is relational, spiritual, psychological or physical. There is good news however: negative cycles have been, and continue to be, broken. Consider these four simple steps. First, become aware of the negative cycle. Without having an awareness that a negative cycle of thinking or behavior exists, it’s impossible to begin a change. Negative cycles are often hidden in our blind spot and protected by personal defense mechanisms. Some common examples of defense mechanisms include denial, rationalizing and blaming. These defense mechanisms share a common end point: unchanged thinking and behavior. In other words, being stuck means the defense mechanism is doing its job. Thankfully, we have a God who cares, and has a sense of humor. He has a secret weapon to help us overcome these defense mechanisms — our children. I once heard a pastor say it best in a sermon: When God can’t get through to you to bring about a positive habitual or character change, he sends you a son or daughter just like you to open your eyes. Isn’t that the truth? A living self-portrait! Seeing a belief or behavior in another person, especially someone we love, can open our eyes to our own blind spots. Other times, unfortunately, it takes a traumatic event to raise the awareness we need to break a negative cycle in our life. A break up, a poor medical report, job loss, accident or legal incident, can painfully, yet quickly, call to attention a negative cycle of thinking or behavior. Secondly, to change, one must possess the will to do so. Some call it chutzpah, desire, grit or determination but it takes a commitment to change. This can only be controlled by the one making the change. So, fuel your desire. The third step to breaking a cycle of negative thinking or behavior includes gaining the “know how” or skill set to change. Ponder this: you don’t just wake up and decide to run a marathon. It takes not only desire, but training and knowledge. If, for Page 5 instance, you struggle with getting angry too easily then learning relationship techniques, positive self-talk, and mediation are useful tools. Resources are available to break negative thinking and destructive behaviors. My personal preference is to gain education from a person I trust. Find a mentor who has experienced and overcome your same struggles, and ask for guidance. Finally, the fourth step is having an ability. It’s been my experience that not every person has the ability to put into practice what they want to do even if they have the desire and knowledge to do it. I personally would love to be a pilot but lack the sharp eyesight to do it. If you don’t have the opportunity or ability to achieve your goals, seek professional help. The four steps to breaking a negative cycle will work but it’s important to remember that if you want to maintain this change, consider reinforcing your progress. Urban Meyer, a former college football coach, said it best when he said “what gets rewarded, gets repeated.” So, reward yourself when you make progress to keep it going. An accountability partner can help maintain change as well. Breaking the cycle of negative thinking and behavior is possible. The book written by Jeffrey Hiatt, ADKAR, is an added resource to assist with breaking negative cycles in your life professionally or personally. I have seen it work in many people and believe that the four steps outlined will serve as a simple but impactful way for making the changes needed.
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