If you haven’t heard of that, great—unfortunately in the last few years, the Space Needle has earned the reputation of a popsicle for the cold response newcomers report. The column has covered group opportunities in instrumentmaking, book clubs (apparently reading silently in a group is a “thing”), photography, karaoke, chess, plus more unusual activities you might not think would be socially shared. Happily, the sidewalks of Island Crest Way are usually busy with dog-walkers, scooter-riders and stroller-pushers all willing to look up as others approach for at least a brief smile and “hi.” When my husband walks to synagogue on Shabbat with his grabber and bag picking up litter, passing drivers often shout “thank you!” for his efforts. On my vacation I happened to read Tim Davis’ New York Times Magazine story about “listening sessions,” in which a collection of friends each brings a song or short piece of music to share with the other participants. Everyone listens attentively and respectfully to submissions, but other than that, comment, time between presentations, genres, snacks and social interaction over the group’s 15 years evolves. Having regular opportunity for connection is key. Mercer Islander Julie Hirsch looks forward to her monthly Sunday morning walks led by Susie Rosenstein through the Stroum Jewish Community Center. Every month Susie chooses a walking destination, about 4 ½ miles long. “Anxiety goes away because you’re walking,” Julie says. “You feel good when you walk.” She says the two-hour walks usually attract about 30 people, a mix of regulars and newcomers. “You walk with different people at different points,” Julie adds. “You’ll walk 5-10 minutes with one person, and then shift to walk with someone else. Then little pods will form, and soon the pods recompose, and you’re walking with a different group. The experience transcends generations. A class is a really great way to make friends. Plus, you’re passing beautiful things as you go along.” She remembered a walk through the Arboretum in the spring. Julie also enjoys her SJCC Water Aerobics class. “Everyone becomes friends from it,” she says, noting that some choose to use the time largely socially, chatting as much as exercising, while others prefer to focus more on the moves. My own exercise choice, Zumba, is more about interacting with the music than other people, though after class, talking with other participants, sharing their birthdays and life events has made them all friends. During Covid, we took classes together via Zoom, where the few minutes saying hi after class provided enough camaraderie that when I visited this winter, I was moved that the teacher actually welcomed me to class with a bouquet. The Surgeon General’s report on loneliness and isolation contains facts that should motivate Americans to take initiative. Heart disease risk increases 29%, and stroke risk 32% for those with poor social relationships. Loneliness increases inflammation in the body, and among older adults, increases the risk of dementia by about 50 percent. Adultswho report feeling lonely often “are more than twice as likely to develop depression as adults who report rarely or never feeling lonely,” adds the Surgeon General, citing a 2022 study. One suggestion in Dr. Murthy’s report, part of a larger governmental strategy to address loneliness, is to “cultivate a culture of connection.” He underscores that religion and spirituality can be instrumental to forming communities that create such a culture. For me, as a Jewish person (as are 25% of Mercer Islanders), having Shabbat (the Sabbath), a day centered on friends and family purposefully focusing on both Jewish tradition and those interpersonal relationships, provides a structure for the week. The Jewish calendar of holidays shapes the weekly structure over the year. My husband and I enjoy hosting a changing group of 12 or so every Saturday for lunch. I love the mix of our close friends, the “regulars” we see often, with less-usual guests and one or more “wild card,” someone with a unique background, a surprising story, a piquant personality. Yes, it’s hours of preparation, and then more hours of cleanup, but the combinations and conversations always find my husband and I gratefully laughing or commenting afterward on “another fantastic Shabbos.” A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study about benefits of social connection found “People with stronger social bonds have a 50% increased likelihood of survival (of heart disease) than those have fewer social connections.” Here I must add that the social media platforms that seem to be earning the wrath of parents and politicians can be used for bad—or good. A family member from El Salvador recently got a phone call from his cousin, whom he hadn’t seen in fifty years. The cousin, still in the rural village where they were children together, had found Evaristo on Facebook, through a friend-of-a-friend. The connection they were able to make only because of an amazing world-wide web brought each of the elderly cousins tears of joy and a renewed sense of family. Text messaging is especially useful to briefly reach out and show care or concern without intruding. Just texting “thinking about you,” adds to closeness. Texting photos allows recipients a snapshot into our lives; video clips give even more depth. My childhood seems so distant now that I’m reliant on my phone to allow connections 24/6 (not on Shabbat, of course). And those magical devices are also phones, and we should remember that speaking, with the possibility of instant emotional response, is valuable. In fact, valuing our connections motivates us to maintain them. To realize the brevity of our parents’, children’s and our own lives, elevates them and inspires us to preserve them. And perhaps one of the best ways we can do that is to verbalize gratitude, to say “thank you” for any kindness, caring and extension of self that others put forth. Appreciating others as well as appreciating the beauty in our environments magnifies that beauty, and motivates us to treasure them in the future. What an amazing place we live in. Diane Medved, Ph.D. is a psychologist, speaker, and author of seven books on marriage and family. She and her husband, author, Substack columnist and radio talk show host Michael Medved raised their three children on Mercer Island and can be seen here walking with grandchildren (with grabber and bag picking up litter). Reach Michael at MichaelMedved.com, and Diane at DianeMedved.com. Greet Mercer Island 33
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