being the more useful language to speak. I spoke English almost everywhere I went, even in my own home. Because of my preference to speak one language over the other, my skills in speaking Spanish declined and I struggled with the language. I found myself stuttering, or just making up words in order to talk to my parents. Almost all of my family had given up on trying to teach me by the time I made it to high school. One thing my friend pointed out about me is that a I am not a stereotypical Mexican. I do agree that I am not a stereotype. I found myself not liking many of the things a lot of the Hispanic kids liked at my age. For starters, a good portion of the Hispanic kids I knew were very into soccer. You can tell I’m not as into the sport since I still call it soccer. Soccer is very popular all over the world, especially with Mexicans. It’s their favorite sport. It was never my favorite sport. I found it very boring to be honest, but to each their own. I never had an accent. I felt that many Hispanic kids had some sort of accent. Even the Chicanos had an accent. However, I sound like any Midwesterner. That was something I noticed about myself when I was young. That many of the other kids that I grew up with had this accent that I could never really replicate. That is mostly because that is not who I am. I grew up with privileges as well. Like many other children of immigrants, I was granted citizenship upon birth. Compare that to my parents. For the many of individuals who immigrated here, including my parents, they have requirements. These are the requirements that were listed on the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services website: • Be at least 18 years of age at the time you file the application; • Have been a lawful permanent resident for the past three or five years (depending on which naturalization category you are applying under); • Have continuous residence and physical presence in the United States; • Be able to read, write, and speak basic English; • Demonstrate good moral character; • Demonstrate a knowledge and understanding of U.S. history and government; • Demonstrate a loyalty to the principles of the U.S. Constitution; and • Be willing to take the Oath of Allegiance. Now compare that to me. The only requirement I needed to become a citizen is to be born here. I don’t need to do any of these things. It makes me feel guilty since my parents have to go through so much in order to become citizens, and yet they sacrificed so much so that I can be set for life. Struggle Most of my struggles with being Mexican American began to emerge once I entered high school. The biggest struggle I had was figuring out who I was as a person. The conflict with being a Mexican American is the struggle to please the people on both sides. You have to impress both the Mexicans and the Americans. You can’t do one or the other. If you try, you’ll an important side of yourself and you’ll end up hurt. I learned that the hard way. By the time I was a sophomore in high school, I had given up on the Mexican culture. I admit. I wanted to leave the culture, and that mindset was the biggest mistake of my life. I had lost touch with my people, culture, friends I once made, and my family. I became ignorant and chose to seclude this part of my identity and make it meaningless. What’s worse is that I did it for White people. For a time in my life, I embraced the American side of myself too much and had managed to convince myself to be something that I am not. For what felt to be a long time, I believed that I 21
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