I am the place you would go if you were safe and want to learn how to end the domestic violence cycles in your future. What made you predisposed to it? What did you learn to accept as normal that they preyed on in order to entrap you? Learn that and let your therapist help you close off those cycles-that’s what I do. That is the biggest part of what Courageous Fire, LLC was meant to be. The other agency is for Black people who are in crisis still in crisis (in the abusive relationship) that is Amani Community Services. They can help anywhere in the state of Iowa remotely. They currently have offices in Waterloo, Davenport, and Cedar Rapids; now they have an active domestic violence advocate in the Des Moines area! Prior to their Des Moines advocate, I sent a client to be helped remotely and they helped her tremendously. They made sure she had clothes for her kids, food, and that she got moved. They are an amazing organization, and they understand us- the Black woman. One lady listening to me talk about the plight of Black women and DV asked me this: if this problem is so bad, what will fix it? I’m always thrilled for that question and will spend the rest of my life and the life of Courageous Fire, LLC answering it. Firstly, it’s hard to contribute to the solution if you don’t understand the problem. Some things you need to understand. That was the reason for last month’s livestream event. Birth through Ascension. It was a 2-part event- the dramatic presentation of my path from DV victim to survivor to program developer of Empowerment though Arts (add TM), and an interactive Q&A with more information. In the filmed portion of the presentation, I literally gave definitions of the lesser-known types of abuse then showed what those looked like in my specific circumstance. I also showed how chronicling my own journey allowed me to see the connection of art and therapy in my discovery and healing process and how that could help other Black women. I then put this programming together looking at what things were effective for me as a Black woman. I’m so proud and excited with this program because it was written by a Black woman for Black women. It wasn’t something written by somebody else. Secondly, our community just doesn’t get domestic violence, so a Black woman has nowhere to go within her own community to get the help she needs as a victim and the support she needs as a survivor. To help grow our DV knowledge and understanding. I’ve been doing what I call Prep Talks. I talk with people in the community who the Black woman relies on or is connected to so these parts of the community can learn her needs and become invested in helping her. The people that I’ve talked to have been appreciative of the work I’ve been doing for women and willing to understand more. I believe through these talks it is starting to become clear that this isn’t just for us women over in this corner who are survivors. Finally, she needs her community’s support. When that Black woman goes to church, she needs support of you, Pastor. When she goes to play cards with her girlfriends, she needs your non-judgmental support. She needs some safe place where he can’t listen to the phone conversation so she can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline like I did, and have them explain to her what is going on, what type of abuse she is dealing with, and where in her local community there are resources that can help her and then she needs help with safety planning. She can’t do this at home, but maybe he doesn’t go to church. Maybe there is a women’s group, and he isn’t going to be there. If she knows she will have support of her community then she finally has a safe place to start doing those things. The sad, too-old story for the Black woman is that she has no place in the community where she won’t be judged, criticized, or blamed, she doesn’t get out. The URBAN EXPERIENCE | 2021 33
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