B eloved, we kicked off 2022 letting you know we were going to walk you through how DV (domestic violence) perpetrators approach their Black women prey. We told you we were going to give you the run down to dispel the myths like “Black women don’t play that” and “Black women are too strong for that”, etc. To remind you, we said we would break down the 7-step perpetrator roadmap (how he does it) and the 5-step victim-survivor roadmap (how she can get out). We started in January 2022 with Step 1 of how he does it: Establish a connection. In this month’s story, we will detail Steps 1 and 2 of how he does it: Establish a connection; Establish a commitment (from the victim). We will follow our fictional character all through this year to make it easy to follow the steps. Please bear in mind that she represents one scenario with one grouping of abuse types that we have chosen. However… • a 2020 article reports 40% of Black women experiencing DV within their lifetime1 • two 2021 articles in different states report an increase in DV among Black women during the worldwide social distancing that resulted in women being trapped at home with the abuser2 , and it was predicted that would be the picture of DV worldwide... Deja3 is 40 years old4 and is rebuilding after DV5 Denzel went looking for her. You see, Deja wasn’t looking for a relationship. She had just finished her certificate courses for medical transcription in the early 2000s. I don’t know if you know much about transcription during that time, but it was booming. Doctors, attorneys, and other professionals would talk into a mini recorder and the downloaded information had to be scribed by fast, accurate typists into the official records. Deja took office administration classes all through high school and could type so fast that people told her it looked like she had to be typing gibberish. She was more on the shy side and didn’t necessarily like talking in front of crowds. Oh, she could do it if she had to, but it wasn’t her first choice for something enjoyable to do. Since she had played piano from the age of 4, easily translated piano keyboards for typewriter and computer keyboards, and enjoyed challenging her listening skills, transcription was a perfect career choice for her. She had a 4.0 throughout the entire program and was recommended for a paid internship before the course ended. She started making good money for that time period, had full-time hours directly after graduation and moved into a much nicer apartment. Things were going well, and Deja was almost content. , a pattern of behavior from an intimate partner or former partner used to gain/maintain power and control over the other partner6. Deja asked me to share her story with all of you because she wants you to know how it really looks for Black women being victimized by DV. The first thing she asked me to explain to you was how Black women are entrapped in a way that almost guarantees she won’t leave the relationship. Deja doesn’t want you to believe it’s as simple as seeing abuse and leaving the relationship. Almost content because her church life wasn’t going so well. Her hometown church had been taken over by some very power-hungry women leaders who set their sites on discrediting Deja. After finding herself removed from her beloved paid music leadership role, she felt quite displaced. She was hurt and confused at the betrayal and abandonment from people who had watched her grow up there, be a “good girl” there, and contribute there. She missed playing for church, directing and developing choirs and small groups, and wanted to fill that void. Someone from her denomination in another state heard about her and invited her to play with them and their choir one day for church. As soon as the pastor heard her, he quickly made an offer for her 13
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