I had the privilege of having a conversation with my dear sister Ms. Courageous Fire. What you are about to read is something we as women, but especially Black women don’t talk about…. domestic violence. In this interview you will hear Courageous story and why Black women don’t tell or talk about their abuse, and how you can get help if you read something that you have been through. I hope whoever reads this article knows it’s challenging to say what you’re going through, but there are people like Courageous who makes it clear she isn’t a crisis advocate. She refers women who are still in an abusive relationship to Amani Community Services. Courageous helps women understand what lesser=known forms look like so those she helps can self-identify and then she guides them to appropriate resources. When Courageous programming kicks in for the victim is when she has turned survivor, and she teaches her how to avoid future predatory relationships through Empowerment through the Arts. Courageous Story My life in 2012-2013 started gravitating me toward being drawn to the needs of women. I began to zone in and notice when women were hurting. They were hurting and couldn’t express it and they didn’t recognize their own greatness. This is where I began to seek out meaningful interactions with women. I remember working in corporate America and a lady asked me, “How is it your able to have these conversations all the time?” This lady noticed I would see people in the cafeteria, the breakroom, or the bathroom. This is because I would look for opportunities and I didn’t let them pass me by. This is my story. I got married to my abuser in 2004 and it’s the typical fairy tale story. I was married to this great guy. We hit it off and I was intellectually and spiritually stimulated by him. We sang together for our wedding, it was lovely. He had children from a previous marriage, and they seemed to adore him, so I believed he was a great father and man of God. We connected in every way and talked for hours. I thought this was fantastic. Looking back, I realized all of this was grooming because none of it was genuine. There were people who thought I should have seen the signs. I watched a documentary titled #whyIstayed and I listened to these women who talked about the things they saw, and it didn’t match the person they knew. For myself, I kept looking for the husband I knew thinking he would reemerge, but that person never existed. In a marriage or partnership your job is to trust the person because that’s what makes relationships work and when you trust you are communicating to your partner; I am supposed believe the best in you. After thirteen years of marriage, I became aware of religious abuse which means the person takes the scripture and twist it around their own agenda. I found myself questioning if I was pleasing God because I was made to feel like I wasn’t. I began to examine my own Christianity. I experienced financial abuse. My husband could work, but he chose not to work a 9-5. He wanted us to be in a certain place financially and I committed to the union for us not to fail so the finances became a way for me to not leave. I was doing the work and I was committed to us surviving. I was going to stay until we got on track, but we never were going to make that happen because he never intended to. That’s what financial abuse looks like. I’m an intelligent woman, but I would feel stupid whenever I was talking with my husband and that was intentional. That’s one of the ways emotional abuse shows up; the abuser consistently puts you down and elevates himself. I also found myself experiencing sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can happen in marriage. There are times a woman can be asked to do things her mate knows makes her uncomfortable in the bedroom and feel obligated to do so or will punish her is she does not comply. My actual escape took place like this: I had done my safety planning but was not comfortable with doing a restraining order. I prayed to the Lord to allow me to become comfortable enough to file it if it was indeed a good idea, or for God to move on the abuser to just get up and leave on his own. He got up two or three weeks later and said, “I feel like I should remove myself.” He had gotten a bus ticket to leave and my daughters and I took him to the bus station on New Year’s Eve. Once he left, I began to see all the signs and realized there were people who came alongside me to make me aware of those signs. They never made me feel bad for not leaving but looking back I realized they were saying things to me to help me come to my own revelation.
47 Publizr Home