IN YOUR OWN WORDS LESSONS LEARNED OVER THE LAST 20 YEARS BY RAELENE JOHNSON, VOICE VENDOR FINDING THE DENVER VOICE I thank the Denver VOICE for how my life has changed! Most of my life, I was told, “You have no worth at all.” I was labeled dumb at school. Being labeled like that really holds children back. I never thought anyone would want to hear what I had to say, but because of the VOICE, I truly have found my voice. I just needed a little help. That’s what the people who buy the paper or read our stories and poems have given. I thought I would die homeless, and then, when I came to the Denver VOICE, and I can’t believe how far I’ve come after 16.5 years with the Denver VOICE. If it wasn’t for the Denver VOICE, I don’t even think I’d be alive. They gave me a job when no one else would. Having a job helped me believe in myself. I could never be where I am now without the support of the people who have bought the paper from me, so I will thank you now. RAELENE JOHNSON. CREDIT: CORTNEY TABERNA AS I AM SITTING HERE, looking at the past 20 years, I cannot believe how far I’ve come! I made a list of the lessons I’ve learned during that time. It is a long list, so I’ve organized the lessons into categories, and I would like to share them. HOMELESSNESS When you’re homeless, you can’t wash your clothes, take a bath, or shower. You have no address or phone. How would anyone think of giving you a job? Having no home and no job is a hard cycle to break. The longer you are homeless, the harder your life gets. I wished years ago someone would want to find out why we are on the streets. HOPE When you’ve lived many years on the streets, things happen to you. You lose hope, the longer you are there. Drugs and alcohol help dull the pain. You might try drugs for fun, but over time, the drugs start to control you. You want them so badly, you’ll do anything for them. You’ll do anything you wouldn’t do if you were clean. Losing hope is a hard pill to take. Change can’t happen when you have no hope. A person needs hope and kindness shown to them in order to see they can change and to feel like they’re worth something. Once we learn that, our lives start to change. When we believe we deserve better, so we start to get better. SELF-ESTEEM Self-esteem was the hardest for me to get. Being homeless for most of your life makes it hard when people let you know you can’t do anything right, or that you’ve failed again. Your self-worth isn’t there, either. Self-esteem is hard because, if you are in pain for years, you lose your real self. We, as children who were abused ILLUSTRATION BY GIGI GALEN 12 DENVER VOICE September 2023 SHARING MY STORY THROUGH WRITING The only way you can help others is to go through hell, and then, you come out even stronger for it. Believe you me, it is or hurt, have lost our self-worth and self-esteem. We don’t even trust ourselves to hope for better. You become so lost. My self-confidence just keeps growing. My self-esteem is so high, nothing can hold me back. FINDING MYSELF/OVERCOMING THE PAST I have also had a chance to find myself. I wish I had found myself years ago. I wouldn’t have had so much pain to go through. One of the biggest things I learned is that most people don’t want to think about their past or all that they’ve overcome. They want to put the past behind them. I can understand why they would do that. It can be really hard to think of what we did to ourselves and others. We hurt people that we loved, but most of all, we hurt ourselves. hard to see anything but the pain you are in. Someone has to reach in to show you the way out! One of the best things about the VOICE is that I get to write for them. Looking back, it’s still hard to believe I’m a paid writer. I have chosen to share my story in case I can help someone to help themselves, even if I don’t know who I’ve helped, it doesn’t matter. As long as I can help. SETTING BOUNDARIES I know how to have real boundaries with how people treat me. I’ve learned to speak up if I don’t like something because if you don’t speak up for yourself, no one else will do it for you. I found that you have to want something better to change yourself. You have to tell yourself, “I can do anything I put my mind to.” You must not listen to anyone who tells you can’t do things Don’t let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do (unless it is your boss). Every time you think negatively, you bring negativity to you. Start thinking positively, and you bring good to you. This is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned. LOVING MYSELF The biggest lesson I’ve learned was to really love myself. Once I learned to love me, my life started to change. I no longer wanted drugs or alcohol in my life. I love myself so much now, I control how or what in my life I will take in. No one else can ever take control of my life again. Control of your life is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. If you are being controlled by anyone else, you need to get help. If anyone is causing you pain, get them out of your life. At one point, I thought I would die from drugs and homelessness. I sometimes find it hard to believe I have owned a home now for over 13.5 years. I never thought I would have my own home. Boy, does it feel good to have a home! ■
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