Article by: Shreya Shankar Photos by: Astrid Kashalkar Astrid Kashalkar, a senior at Northwood High School, has struggled with mental illness throughout their whole life. Being a star student was always expected of them, but Astrid managed to find an escape from the constant stressors and anxiety through theatre. They share their experience with helping loved ones, coming to terms with their identity, abd learning how to love themself. What is your experience with mental health? I am naturally a social person, but for that entire year I mostly kept to myself. I ended up making a friend the next year who emotionally abused me every day making fun of my grades, my level of intellect and body. They were extremely toxic and would manipulate and prank me in hurtful ways. I couldn’t escape it until I moved back to America. I’ve had major depressive episodes both the years I was harshly bullied in school. The summer before my junior year of high school, which was last year, was the first time I had an episode when I was doing well socially and academically. I realized something was wrong because I began isolating myself like I did when I moved to India, however this time there was no external stimulus influencing this. Feeling down is a normal feeling to have, but I started having this constant numb feeling for several days in a row that felt unnatural. This was the biggest red flag for me. Most of my time was occupied with theatre, which was perfect because theatre is my escape where I get to be in charge of my anxiety. It’s the only place where I know exactly what is happening around me and I have a little bit of authority as a stage manager. It gives me a sense of stability. However, having such an overwhelming schedule took a toll on my health so quarantine is the perfect opportunity to cool down from the nonstop activity. I get more time to practice self love and build confidence in myself. How did you go about reaching out for the help you needed? At first, I was lost as to what I was going through. I realized I had been bottling up all my feelings for several years so I decided to vent to a close friend. They were understanding and told me that getting help from an adult would be a good solution. I ended up going to the wellness counselor at my school and she spoke to my parents about how I was dealing with a lot of trauma and needed to see a therapist. After 6 months of seeing my therapist, she said that it would be a good idea to have a psychiatry session to see if I needed to be diagnosed with any mental illnesses and I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Episodes and General Anxiety Disorder. I still see my therapist to work on coping mechanisms. If you could talk to your past self before you got the help you needed, what would you tell them? I had an unhealthy habit of tending to everyone else before thinking of caring for myself. I would tell my past self I’m worthy of the same kindness I offer the people around me. I’d also tell myself that I wasn’t being a burden and that I wasn’t asking for attention by expressing my feelings. What are some stress relievers that you found to be the most helpful for you? I usually sit up straight and try to ground myself by controlling my breathing or saying my three times tables. Bottling in your emotions is harmful, but I often do it to prevent my problems from snowballing into an even worse problem. However, if I’m in an environment where expressing myself wouldn’t be appropriate (like during class), I would use a trick my friend taught me. If you force a wide smile, your brain is tricked into making you feel happier and this can work as an emergency plan. What were some major roadblocks you experienced during your journey of recovery? Self isolation was a major obstacle I faced because I found that I wasn’t able to express myself at all anymore and I wouldn’t let my friends help me. The biggest obstacle for me to overcome was quarantine. The rapid change and complete lack of socialization was bad for me because I was still only recovering from my self isolation. It took a while, but after a month of quarantine I was finally able to start talking to my friends a bit which gave me the little spark I needed to gain some confidence in myself. Online school was hard on me, but luckily my teachers were understanding and gave me as much time as I needed on assignments because they knew I was struggling. I’m grateful for this accommodation because, without it, both my academic and social life would have collapsed again. I lost all the stability I sought in my typically neat and structured life and this was terrible for my anxiety. It took a few months, but I eventually got used to staying inside and doing school and work online. Layout by: Krisha Konchadi
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