would have scowled in contempt and told me to shut the hell up. So while I understand that no one wants to hear about how I actually love waking up in the morning these days, I will say that not hating life is so much better. I mean, oh my god, it’s just so cool. (I’ll see myself out now, thank you.) ARE THESE MUSHROOMS WORKING? I’m trying to figure out if all the mushrooms I just took are starting to kick in or not. I kind of need to know how they’re going to hit before I take anymore. It’s like my first drug dealer told me in the ‘90s, “You can always take more. You can never take less.” But I also want to be tripping right now, so if I need to take more, I want to take them soon … Wait, this music sounds better than usual, like more colorful and aerodynamic. Okay, that’s definitely the mushrooms talking. But I don’t have the body high … Alright, there’s something. Yes, there it is. Oh my god, that’s a lot. It’s hitting in waves and the waves are getting bigger. Damn it. Okay, so now I guess I’m wondering if these mushrooms are working too well … IS ACTING KINDLY A SYMPTOM OF MY PATHOLOGICAL NEED TO BE LIKED BY EVERYONE, OR AM I OVERTHINKING THINGS AGAIN? I spend a lot of time engaged in the following activities: (1) trying to be as kind to everyone as possible. And (2) wondering if my eagerness to be empathetic and friendly is a manifestation of the fact that I have a genuine fear of ostracism and disapproval? And if it is true that I am acting out of self-interest, does it even matter if I am being kind for all the wrong reasons? Isn’t being a good person all that matters? In all fairness to myself, I don’t think I have a pathological need to be liked by everyone, because I disappoint people all the time. Does that make me a disappointment? Probably. Do my thoughts run rampant through my head, making my inner-monologue an unrelenting hellscape where the only reprieve I get is when I get drunk? The answer to that question is most definitely. I have problems. IN THE SPIRIT OF OVERTHINKING, IS CULTIVATING SELF-WORTH REALLY JUST A ONE-WAY STREET TO NARCISSISM, OR SHOULD I STOP USING MY OWN SELF-DOUBT AS A CUDGEL WITH WHICH I USE TO METAPHORICALLY BLUDGEON MYSELF IN ORDER TO IMPEDE PROGRESS AND LIMIT THE SUCCESS OF MY OWN SELF JOURNEY? Alright, that’s enough of that. Anyone want to get a drink? WELL SHIT, THIS TANGERINE IS BAD The tangerine I brought for lunch looked fine from the outside. I had no reason to doubt its deliciousness. Even as I peeled it, the aroma of fresh citrus instantly transported me on a wonderful olfactory journey. But once I began to separate the fruit into manageable bitesized slices, I noticed it looked a little dry. Then when I bit into it, I had the horrible realization that this was one bad tangerine. And that’s a shame, because I was really looking forward to eating it. But, you know, sometimes you have to cut your losses. Hopefully the apple I brought redeems this whole tangerine debacle, because I don’t think I have the energy to endure two fruit failures in one day. 21
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