by Julianna Beckert We’ve all heard it so many times it’s become cliché: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. But for something so overused, it really is a powerful little phrase. Let’s dig into it. When you look at your life, how often are things just happening to you? How often do they not go as planned? On one end of the spectrum, some of us cling to control. We believe that if we push hard enough, we can make other people change. That our partner will magically become more affectionate, or that our sister will stop drinking if we confront her. When they don’t, we get frustrated. We judge, blame and spiral into disappointment. On the other hand, we might fall into victimhood. “I can’t do my job well because my boss won’t provide what I need.” “I’m like this because of what happened to me.” There may be truth in these statements — but they center your suffering outside yourself. And when your suffering lives outside you, so does your power. You’re stuck in a story you can’t do anything about. Here’s a complete list of what’s in your control: • You End of list. You can control your thoughts. You can (in most cases) control where you put your body. You can become aware of your feelings and the role they play in your words and actions. Sometimes all it takes is a small tweak in language — from absolute to intentional. Take this example: “My coworker is mean to me.” That’s a fixed reality. No choice. No power. “I think my coworker is mean to me.” Now it’s subjective. A little more breathing room. “I don’t prefer the way my coworker speaks to me.” Ahh. Now we’re somewhere useful. From here, you have many choices. You can talk to them. You can adjust how you respond. You can decide what kind of access they get to your energy. You still can’t control them — but now you’re in motion. When we stop trying to change what isn’t ours to change, we reclaim the only real power we have: ourselves. We start responding, rather than reacting. And that’s where freedom lives. Control isn’t power. Choice is. The wisdom is knowing the difference. Visit monkeymindful.com to submit a question or find transformational workshops and coaching sessions. No. 138
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