HIS PANTS ARE THE LEAST OF HIS PROBLEMS BY NATHAN WAARD ART BY JUKKA NIEMINEN The irritating little bell went off again on Jerrick Blade’s watch. He jabbed at the screen without looking, even though he knew it would force him to hear the message before shutting off. “Warning, Jerrick Blade: Your Levi Supreme 101s will expire in a maximum of 80 thousand cycles. Please deposit the minimal credits required to remain clothed.” Stank, Blade thought angrily to himself. Fructose, he cursed silently. He nearly shouted it aloud, but the FreedomBots would have scanned it and fined him a couple hundred credits he could ill afford at this moment. Even so, as he twitched through the cross-crossing crowd going with and against several currents in the direction of Legion 86 — in spite of the cobalt gray sky, slashing rain and Atari neon — the dombots appeared to turn their heads and watch him fight to the other side of the eight-way intersection before the autobots resumed their timed flow. When he reached the plaza, he was running again. If he didn’t get to a No. 125 terminal, if he didn’t rez in, if he couldn’t clock Gizmo … a lot more than his jeans was going to expire. “Attention, Jerrick Blade: Your Levi Supreme 101s will decompose if you do not deposit the minimal credits required. Please look into it.” “Ahhh, fruc you!” he yelled at the watch, dashing across the plaza, wildly scanning for a termjack. In his periphery, two dombots furiously buzzed toward him, one from the right and one from the left. They hovered just in front of him, blocking his path. Dombot 1 blinked its LED eyes sternly, its aging props flying it in a bit of a drunken list. “Jerrick Blade. Warning, you were detected using Category 3 language in a Category 2 space,” the dombot explained. “Jerrick Blade. We hereby fine you 250 credits,” Dombot 2 told him, scowling brightly. One of its rotors was sparking festively. “Come on,” said Blade, waving his arms at the flying bots and trying to duck out of their way at the same time. They instantly, if somewhat
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