where they got their fucking driver’s license in the first place. (I mean, what, are they just giving them away these days?) But then when a motorist stops, I feel bad for inconveniencing them. I give them an ostentatious “thank you” wave and try to get across the street as fast as possible. There’s just no winning in my head. DON’T EVER ASK YOUR EX-LOVER TO PROOFREAD YOUR MANIFESTO — ESPECIALLY IF THE RELATIONSHIP ENDED ON BAD TERMS This was one of those “Live and Learn” moments that we all experience at various points in our lives. THE BARTENDER JUST TOOK MY ORDER, SO I WILL BE RECEIVING MY DRINK SHORTLY, JUST IN CASE YOU WERE STILL INVESTED IN MY CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS So my server handled the rush like a badass, apologized to me for the wait and then served me my booze. So now, I have a booze and I’m better for it. I HAVEN’T HAD GOOD CHEX MIX IN AWHILE Remember when bars served snacks like Chex Mix? I mean seriously, I can’t even remember the last time I had some good Chex Mix. It has to be at least a decade. You know what? Let me count the years. Let’s see, it was when my grandma was still alive, so some time before 2010. It wouldn’t have been ’08 or ’09 because I was in New Mexico for the holidays those years (and the holidays were when she always brought us that good-ass Chex Mix). Was I in town in ’07? Let me think … Yeah, I’m pretty sure I was. So that’s, 10 plus three plus four. 17 years! Fuck, that’s way too long to go without Chex Mix. I suppose now I have figured out how to make it, which I can’t see myself doing. This is probably why it’s been so long since I had Chex Mix in the first place. SOMETIMES I’LL BE DOING OKAY UNTIL SOMEONE ASKS ME IF I’M OKAY AND THEIR QUESTION FORCES ME TO THINK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I AM OKAY AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN I’M NOT OKAY My dog died recently and a lot of people asked me how I was doing. At first, I was genuinely touched at their concern for my well-being. But after a while it got tedious. Once I got to the point where it didn’t hurt so much, I would go about my daily routine and just kind of forget about my dear departed little buddy (or at least, he wouldn’t be at the forefront of my thoughts). Then someone would come up and ask how I was holding it all together, and their question tore me apart all over again. It forced my brain to go, “Hmm, how am I doing? Oh yeah, shitty.” Obviously, I don’t want to tell everyone to stop inquiring about my current mental state, but I could also use a break, you know? Sometimes social situations are too delicate to navigate and you just have to pretend it all makes sense. Thank goodness there are good bartenders out there. SPEAKING OF, THE BARTENDER IS ABOUT TO ASK IF I WANT ANOTHER DRINK, AND I DON’T INTEND ON SAYING NO What service! 7
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