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Stray Cat SmuT By Nate Balding Unaccepted as an archetype by a youthful Carl Jung trapped shivering within his dream-fevers, she rocks back and forth in the shadowy corners of aging homes on every block in America, surrounded by her feline companions. Her form is rooted as deeply in the human psyche as the necessity of breath, or the knowledge that the only thing keeping the InN-Out Double-Double from being considered overrated is the option to order it Animal Style. She is The Forlorn. The Dejected. The Maiden and The Crone spurned by society with its endlessly dubious inquiries. She is the Crazy Cat Lady and hers is the story of love. Cards on the table, this Valentine edition of Werewolf Radar does feature cats, ladies, love (after a fashion) and events perhaps considered crazy if you’re some sort of modern-day Phyllis Schlafly taking your rightful place No. 122 as lead kink-shamer for the Prude Boys. The focus, however, requires we imagine a Byronic near-mythical Kelly Slater surfing across the Pacific and shooting the curl of time to wash up on the shores of Edo period Japan. A place where would-be 2020 Olympian Kanoa Igarashi is all, “What’s up old man? I hope you brought your gold medal game because this is my beach and trespassers have to crush before they can party.” Free license surf rock emerges from nowhere and The Kids™ gather round for an ol’ fashioned Beach Blanket Banger. Slater and Kanoa paddle into battle where the only real winner can be the boundless sea. In the end, both lie breathless on the warm sand and Kanoa gives Slater the goahead, enemies no more. KAWANABE KYŌSAI UTAGAWA KUNIYOSHI UTAGAWA KUNIYOSHI

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