“Phil, I swear to God, if the world ends because you can’t stop thinking about whatever’s in that trash can, I’m going to fucking kill you.” “Hey, hey,” Tom tried to intervene. “Aggression isn’t going to help. Look, I have an idea.” “Can’t wait.” “When we were first picked as summoners, it was a pretty exciting time. You and me and Phil got pulled into Arcanthal, and we were busy fighting the Naga King, there was a lot of fire and blood and lightning and whatnot. So it was like, do or die. And we did. “Then suddenly, we’re back in LA, and that was less than fortyeight hours ago. Point is, we haven’t really had time to get to know each other. To bond. And we don’t have a lot of time, so we need a way to bond quickly. Right?” Lys’ eyes narrowed. “You want us to do trust falls or something?” “Well, in my experience, the strongest bonds are physical. You know? You have to feel someone. Really see them, hear them, smell them, taste them. It’s the natural way.” Lys scoffed, incredulous. “Are you suggesting we all fuck? It’s the end of the world and you want to have an orgy?” “I wouldn’t put it in those— ” “Disgusting,” said Cassandra. “If you think about it, what better time than the end of the world?” put in Phil. “Fucking frat boys. Did you two talk about this beforehand?” Phil shook his head in half-hearted denial. “Come on Cass, let’s get out of here.” Lys headed toward the door, but Cassandra hesitated. Seeing this, Lys’ mouth fell open. “You cannot be considering this.” “It might work. I mean, would you rather have sex with these two dimwits— ” “Thanks,” muttered Tom. “ —or have your insides sucked out by spiders?” “Spiders, easily.” And to prove she meant it, she went back outside, door banging shut behind her. The three remaining exchanged glances. “Maybe we could still summon the Avatar with three people?” Tom said hopefully. The bathroom door swung open again to admit Lys’ head. “Hey jerkoffs, come outside. It’s all over.” Tom sighed. Urglash was now a collapsed mess oozing goo onto the red dirt. The spiderlings had dispersed or been shot by the many troops closing in on the area. “But how?” Cassandra asked, baffled. “Only the Avatar could stop Urglash!” “The Avatar and whatever missiles those helicopters were firing, I guess,” said Lys. “Makes sense,” said Phil. “I mean, it’s basically just a big spider, right?” “I’m going to find a ride downtown,” Lys said, turning toward the road. “See you all later. Or never.” “What? Just like that?” Tom cried. “What about the Avatar? What about saving the world?” “You need better fantasies.” No. 117 ART BY X-POSER
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