puddle fishing the multiverse BEST OF BIRDY PUBLISHED ISSUE 001, JANUARY 2014 puddle fishing the multiverse Drunk again at the puddle, fishing rod in one hand and beer in the other. The cigarette in my mouth has become an inch of ash, when a group of kids on their bikes come up to me. “Hey mister, what are you doing fishing there?” says the smallest, mousy looking one. I don’t respond. I can’t break my concentration. It is not easy willing a fish into existence. I roll the cigarette to the left of my mouth and take a pull from my beer. The kids get off their bikes and come closer, each looking into the shallow puddle, then at me and then back at the puddle. After a bit they leave with bewildered looks and just as they are about to ride off, I can hear them say that I’m crazy. The thing is, I’m not crazy. I just know how reality works, and if I can keep this drunk and my concentration on fish ... puddle fish ing the mul tiverse Now I haven’t had consistent success with this concept as I did in the anecdote I shared at the beginning. Remember, I’m pulling things out from different universes and if my concentration is not absolute, small errors can take place. Like packaged fish. Or drawings. Or even this one time, a 10-foot stuffed marlin came out of the puddle. Concentration is key! My recommendation to you, as an amateur Probable Multiverse Manipulation Puddle Fisher, is to study in great detail a fish that you find to be tasty. That way, you won’t bring something into this universe that you didn’t want, because I have yet to do the math on a catch-and-release strategy. Buy a good, sturdy fishing pole and above all else, at least a 12-pack of a beer you find tasty. Don’t feel disappointed if you don’t catch anything your first time. Results can vary and it may take 10 to 20 times before you catch anything larger than a goldfish. I wish you all the best of luck! puddle fis ing the mu tiverse My reel begins to spin, my pole is arching. I drop my beer and bring up a catfish. The kids run back and ask how I did that. I just smile, put the catfish into my cooler and tell them, “math.” Puddle fishing is one of the provable experiments in what is called Probable Multiverse Manipulation: the theory of which once you remove all the complicated math, becomes terribly simple. Basically, for every probable and improbable occurrence in a space timeline, there is a different universe. So, if you can focus on a particular idea on a fixed point in space for long enough, you end up pulling said idea across from one universe into yours. I’m not crazy, just really math and physics oriented. Just trust me. So why fishing into a puddle, drunk? Well, fishing requires patience, calm and a level of concentration that very few activities need. The puddle provides what scientific circles call a “control group,” and as for the drunkenness, that’s really simple. Have you ever been fishing? puddle fis ing the mu tiverse BY RICARDO FERNANDEZ
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