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THE SAUGUS ADVOCATE – Friday, February 28, 2020 Page 15 HAVEN | FROM PAGE 14 arrest until he died. And when you’re in there, his coffi n is over on the side in the same area where hers is. Hers is right in the middle. His coffi n is made out of black marble. But that’s not part of the story that they talk about a lot. It was interesting to hear that. The Taj Mahal is an amazing structure. It really is. A lot of people think it’s the only thing to see in India. No, it’s just the beginning. Q: What would you consider the highlight of your trip that you will probably talk about to the Lions Club in a couple of weeks? A: I think the highlight for me for the past trip I just did was to meet the people with disabilities that are learning new things and are developing skills that they never had before. And the other part that made me really happy was that even though I am an American, in India, the basic feeling is that people with disabilities can’t do anything by themselves, so people would get all surprised that I would be able to do anything. Really, the highlight for me – along with visiting my friends and seeing some beautiful sites – is more about helping the people that I know to understand what disabilities are like and that you can do things. I stayed with one family that had a fl ight of stairs on the second fl oor. And my friend took me upstairs because that’s where their entertainment room was. And she went down and said to their cook, “Would you take a glass of juice to Valerie?” And he turned around and asked, “How did she get up there?” And my friend said, “She walked.” We didn’t tell him that I fl ew from the United States by myself, because he just couldn’t imagine that I could walk up a fl ight of stairs by myself. So, when I was ready to come down, she called him, and he watched me come down the stairs and his eyes got all big. They just don’t know how to think about it differently. So, that was a lot of what I was doing over there: just talking to people, telling stories of my life and answering questions. That’s what made me the happiest, along with helping my friend with her center. Q: Now, when you talk to the Lions Club in a couple of weeks, you already have a plan what your talk is going to be about? A: Most of it. One of the other Lions wants to do the presentation with me. He has looked up some background stuff , so he is going to read a little bit about what he found out about. I’m going to talk a little bit about the background and the culture and the Taj Mahal. And KEEPING MOBILE: With the assistance of her guide cane, Valerie Haven walks around the Malden housing complex where she lives. then I was going to talk a little bit about why my work there is so important right now for me. And what I’m hoping is that – since I haven’t been a Lion very long – I’m hoping that we can set up a fund-raising program to support my friend’s center so that she is able to train more people. But it’s okay if that doesn’t happen. Still, a lot of people in this country, they would assume that a blind person couldn’t go that far by herself (from the United States to India). That’s the kind of thing I will be talking about. I’m always good when people ask me questions. And we’ll show them some of the culture, some of the other dresses that I have that I wear when I’m over there; some of the diff erences in the food and the culture. So, most of the talk is mapped out, but I usually go by what they ask me, too. Q: So, what are the biggest challenges that you have to overcome as a blind person to get the most out of a visit to India? A: Working with the language, understanding the culture and asking questions without offending people. Depending on who you talk to, there are 29 languages up to 2,000 languages; I think what they are calling the other languages are dialects. A lot of people speak English because India was a British colony until 1947, so the British infl uence is very evident, even today in India; so the more educated people speak some form of English. So, being able to understand the culture, making sure that I’m safe – and, of course, we’re talking about a developing country. I had a lot to do to make sure that I didn’t get sick while I was there. And it’s also important to recognize that the culture is not really designed for a blind person to be running around outside – not by herself. Q: Did you have any close calls while you were over there? A: No, we didn’t, but that’s because I’m really careful. I know how to ask for what I need while being polite and patient. But the reason why I was comfortable was [I was] either in a hotel or was with my friends, so I didn’t spend any time alone at any point, except inside the hotel, because it’s not a culture or a country that’s safe for somebody like me.. So, if you are a person with disabilities, you just can’t get on a bus over there, but the country is going through some modernization that will make it easier for people with disabilities. Q: A lot of people would ask “How can a blind person go sightseeing in India?” A: Oh, it’s not that hard. You ask questions. Like I said, people are very generous and supportive. They explain things. They want visitors to understand their country and their culture and their history. You know, chess was created in India. I didn’t know that until I took a cultural tour. There’s a lot to experience when you are in India. And since I’ve been back this time, I saw my fi rst tourist commercial for India on TV. In all the years I have been dealing with this, it’s been the very fi rst time. Q: Do you communicate in English or do you know any of the dialects? A: I mostly communicate in English, but I know a fair amount of one of the dialects. Hindi is the national language of India, and everybody speaks Hindi. But in each region, they have other languages. Q: What else are you going to tell your fellow Lions? A: I’m going to talk a little about how people greet each other and what it means. Like, for instance, back in the day when India was a British colony, we would see in movies when an important person would come by, a man would get down on the ground and lower their forehead to the ground. It’s like a formal bow to a respected person. They don’t do that anymore; they do a modifi ed version of it. Mostly, it’s young men to older men, and what they do is they bend down and they touch the top of the shoes; each hand touches the left and right shoe. That’s both a sign of respect for the older person and also the request for a blessing. To my knowledge, women don’t do this at all. But it is possible that a person who is my age or older who wants to show me respect, they all bend down and touch my toes. And that did happen. So, being bowed to, I had no reference to that. There’s normal bowing; they’ll bow to somebody formally. Or an older woman – she bowed to me and she clasped her hands and then she reached up and touched the top of my head – and that’s part of a blessing. It’s a sign of very great respect. She touches the top of my head, and then she bows. There’s that and there are my observations that it used to be a tribal society. And in many ways, it still is. I have friends and their families are huge. They can have 50 to 60 relatives. I had like maybe 20. And they’re all very close. They function in a community setup even though they are all living in houses. So, one of my friends – her husband’s family owns an entire block in New Delhi, and there are, like, fi ve townhouses. They’re all in a row. And the entire family lives in these fi ve houses. So, they have privacy. They have their own children and they have their own family, but they are only living in these houses in proximity to the larger family. So, there’s much greater village orientation than we have here. Even today, when the woman gets married, she moves into the husband’s family home, so the men never leave the home. The woman does. She moves in with him and as his parents die off , she and her husband will inherit the house. And they will leave it to their children. So, the family stays in the same residence all of the time. That’s so diff erent from us here. Q: Who is the Lions Club member who’s going to help you during the talk? A: His name is Paul [Trunfi o]. He recruits the guest speakers for our club meetings. I don’t know why he got interested, but Paul is the kind of guy who likes to do some research. And he did some research on India while I was gone, and he asked if he could share the presentation with me. So, he’s going to read some of the things he found out about their history, and then I will do part of my presentation based on what he says. I thought we could do it in sections. Q: You have a slideshow, too? A: Yes. I’m going to make a slideshow, but I’m going to have to get my hands on an LCD projector. Q: So, your friend was taking pictures for you while you were over in India? A: Yes. They are all big Facebook people. Q: You still call it sightseeing when you go on a trip? A: Oh yes. My language never changed. And I also tell people I look forward to seeing them. Q: You seem to have a very good outlook on life. A: I do, and I work at it. I’m a lot happier now than I was. And in my life experiences, I might be able to do things that other people may not. Q: Your blindness – how did you overcome the obstacles and how do you share your experience with others? A: When I give presentations specifically about the experience of becoming blind, I like to really talk about how everybody is unique and how everybody responds to their disability in the way they need to. People fear becoming blind more than anything else. They have done studies on this, and I believe it. So, for me, to be able to break down the barriers and help people let go of their fear is important. And the rehabilitation system here in the United States – they tend to think of any disability or new disability of being the fi rst two years of a person’s life. I would rather like to say that it’s the fi rst 10 years, because, yes, fi rst of all, you go through the sadness of the experience. Then you go through the part where you try to learn how to live well. And then, after some of the pain has been handled and you get a little more comfortable about how you’re going to be, then there’s the time when you are going to decide for yourself what skills you have and what you need to learn. And because I went through it – I was young when I started, and I took many years to become blind to get to where I am now. I had time to really look at my skill set, learn new things and think about things and let my anger go. So, I like to tell people that new blindness or disability lasts up to 10 years or less, depending how a person manages their life circumstances. Q: Anything else that you would like to share about your trip to India? A: You have to be very comfortable about sharing food. It is really true that cattle wander around in the streets and that nobody eats beef there – at least, no Hindu people do. The food is very spicy, much spicier than here. And the culture is definitely a remarkable, changing culture that is off ering a great deal to the rest of the world.

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